Like high-priced free agents joining forces on one team, there’s something undeniably unique that draws the public’s attention to celebrity couples. Perhaps it’s the cosmic notion of beautiful people allowing their own gravitational pull to momentarily weaken in order for two stars to merge. (Or maybe we lack a social conscience that would draw our eye to more worthy causes. WHO KNOWS, WHO CARES??)
Whatever the case, the latest “are-they-or-aren’t-they?” celebrity dating list (which seemingly changes hourly) features plenty of big-named actors, musicians, royals, dancers, supermodels, etc. (basically every type of person who is better looking that you).
While rumors are all well and good, it’s high time someone put some numbers on these public wafflers.
Celebrity Dating Odds:
- Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris: 1/2
Unless Calvin Harris is a beard for Taylor Swift, who has denied dating her BFF Karlie Kloss (despite the fact the two were seen making out it like was the last dance at prom), these two music industry giants appear to be in a relationship after kissing in front of cameras earlier this week at the Billboard Music Awards.
- Cara Delevingne and St. Vincent: 1/1
What a life for musician St. Vincent. Last year, she was singing Nirvana songs at the Rock Hall inductions. This year, she may be dating supermodel Cara Delevingne. At this point, it seems pretty obvious these lovebirds are making Brooklyn hipsters jealous.
- Kate Hudson and Derek Hough: 1/1
Back in the day, Warren Beatty seemed to date all of Hollywood, including Goldie Hawn. Now Hawn’s daughter is doing the same, going from musicians to actors back to musicians. So the rumor that she’s currently dating Dancing with the Stars celeb Derek Hough is par for the course. Why do they make sense as a couple? Hough is an expert on the dancefloor and we’re pretty sure Hudson is a master at the bedroom tango.
- Irina Shayk and Bradley Cooper: 2/1
Currently playing the Elephant Man on stage, Cooper may also earn that title in the bedroom. The A-list actor certainly has something going for him that makes him an “American Sniper” for supermodels. Forget about actress Suki Waterhouse (that’s so last month). The “Coop” is rumored to have moved onto supermodel Irina Shayk. If true, it’ll make for a “Wet Hot American Summer.” But we’re not convinced they’re an item just yet. Super-hot people must spend the majority of their time hooking up with other super-hot people. That’s not dating!
- Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Martin: 3/1
We hope this one isn’t true. Talk about a mismatch! Chris Martin, a.k.a. the former Mr. Paltrow, is way too good for Jennifer Lawrence. He fronts the most forgettable platinum-selling band out today. What does she do? Challenge stereotypes? Express thoughtful opinions? There’s no place for such things in Hollywood!
- Prince Harry and Emma Watson: 8/1
First of all, Prince Harry doesn’t date women as much as book them into his busy schedule for a tryst and tea. Also, Hermione is too smart to get involved with the Dark Arts that would follow a relationship with British royalty.
- Jake Gyllenhaal and Ruth Wilson: 10/1
There’s a recent rumor that Jake Gyllenhaal and Ruth Wilson exchanged a smooch after a yoga class. The most surprising piece of information gleaned from this is the fact that Gyllenhaal does yoga. Sure, the actors are starring together in Broadway play Constellations, but if Wilson’s series The Affair taught us anything, Gyllenhaal ought to stay away from such a mercurial relationship.
- Rihanna and Drake: 12/1
Yes, the rumors are flying that Rihanna has rekindled her love for Drake, but don’t confuse late night booty calls with full-fledged romances. Also, we’re guessing that RiRi’s latest hit “Bitch Better Have My Money” is actually about Drake, who once again is starting from the bottom.
- Drake and Madonna: LOL
Sorry Madge. He’s just not that into you.
(Photo credit: David Shankbone (Shankbone) [CC BY 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons. Photo has been cropped.)