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Celebrity Fight Odds – Who Will Follow Puffy into the Fray?

Sascha Paruk

by Sascha Paruk in Entertainment

Jun 23, 2015 · 4:36 PM PDT

Oh famous people. You’re so dumb sometimes. Sorry to lump you all together, but it’s hard not to.

Even the ones who have shown tremendous business acumen – like Sean “I don’t know what to call him anymore” Combs – can’t help but to do dumb thing after dumb thing. Diddy’s latest foray into dumbsmanship took place Monday at the UCLA athletic facilities. According to cbssports.com, Combs “got in an altercation with UCLA’s strength coach Sal Alosi and some football interns.”

(Fun fact: Alosi is also a member of the dumbs! So this was dumb-on-dumb violence, one way or another.)

According to Combs, he was just defending himself.

According to others, he did so with a kettlebell.

According to the po-po, that’s a deadly weapon.

Diddy’s claims of self-defense may be true. We’re not pinning all the blame on him for the altercation taking place. The fact that he got into a fight of some sort isn’t the dumb part. Neither, surprisingly, is the fact that he brought a kettlebell into the mix. The dumb part is that he decided to mix it up with a friggin’ strength coach.

No wonder he wound up grabbing a weapon. While Diddy may have the mental fortitude to succeed financially, his physique leaves a little to be desired.

But enough about dumbness past and present. What about the ghost of dumbness future? Will this be the last time we see a celebrity take on a relative Goliath? We sure hope not! And here’s who we see potentially squaring off in the near future:

Mase vs. Ryan Howard

  • Mase, Diddy’s former partner-in-crime, won’t want to be outdone. An ostensible Phillies fan, Mase can’t be happy with the season the Phils are having. We see him ill-advisedly trying to take out his frustrations on the best player they have left: 6’4, 250 pound slugger Ryan Howard. We also see it ending the same way as Mase’s last fight.

Chris Brown vs. Caitlyn Jenner 

  • Brown seems to have some sort of problem with Jenner’s transition to life as a woman. In case you forgot, Brown is also a piece of garbage who’s well known for domestic violence. Jenner, however, was the greatest athlete in the world at one point and would assuredly beat down the scrawny, Sisqo lookalike.

Dave Chappelle vs. Key and Peele

  • Key and Peele (the show) probably wouldn’t exist if Chappelle’s Show hadn’t preceded it. The two Comedy Central programs bear strikingly similar formats, even if their respective stars have different comedic stylings. Dave Chappelle (the human) hasn’t been shy about his thoughts on the matter, either, calling Key and Peele Chappelle’s Show-lite“. And if there’s one thing we know about the volatile stand-up, it’s that he pretty much does whatever he wantswhenever he wants to.When Dave eventually feels like going after Key and Peele physically, he’s going to find himself outnumbered and outsized. Together, Key and Peele are nearly 12 feet tall! I assume they fight stacked on top of each other like Transformers.

Kevin Hart vs. Michael Blackson

  • Hart and Blackson are probably still friends, but the two have been going at each other on social media and Youtube for years now. Is it only a matter of time before the diminutive Hart takes a real-life swing at the 6′-plus Blackson? It wouldn’t be the first time Hart’s been involved in comedian-on-comedian violence, and he’s probably learned to go on the offensive since his last melee. But standing just 5’4, Hart better hope his bodyguards are close at hand.

Justin Bieber vs. Anyone

 

(Photo credit: Freelance photographer Richard Burdett (Website) [CC BY 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons. Photo has been cropped.)

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