For more than 150 years the Iowa State Fair has been wowing attendees with its impressive catalogue of animals, fried foods, and, since the appearance of the butter cow in 1911, grub that resembles livestock. With over one million visitors annually, the 11-day event has become famous not only for the food-on-stick enthusiast crowd, but also for politicians.
Every year political candidates descend onto the fairgrounds wearing jeans, giving speeches from the Soapbox, and eating huge portions of barbecued meat in an attempt to connect to the every-man, reassuring him that politicians really aren’t so bad. Not only are they not so bad, the giant pork chop in hand seems to say, they’re actually just like us! Food is, after all, our great common denominator, isn’t it? There may be no greater reminder of our electoral candidates humanity than witnessing them eating deep-fried, bacon-wrapped hot-dogs.
The Iowa State Fair may not have been the first place a politician decided to give a speech to the masses, but it quickly became the place to do so. The Iowa Caucus makes the state an incredibly important stop along the campaign trail, and the fair just so happens to be a pretty perfect opportunity for those campaigning to mingle with us common-folk.
By partaking in one of America’s most sacred summertime traditions, eating battered food on a stick, these politicians manage to simultaneously create some of the most fantastic photo opportunities and establish voter loyalty.
In the spirit of the Iowa State Fair, and its 44 new foods for us to try August 10th-20th, we’ve paired up some of our most noteworthy political leaders (and a few international figures thrown in for good measure) with their spirit foods, and set some odds on how much of said spirit food each politician would happily consume.
POLITICS & FOODS ON A STICK: WHAT’S YOUR LEADER’S SPIRIT FOOD?
PRES. DONALD TRUMP & HOT BOLOGNA ON A STICK
At some point in recent history someone, somewhere, thought both of these were a good idea. In actuality, they are both shockingly bad for your health and welfare. Yet, despite all of our better judgements and everything we know about sodium nitrates, both are a reality.
Odds of Pres. Trump eating three or more sticks of Hot Bologna: 1/4
GOV. CHRIS CHRISTIE & THE GOLDEN FRY CHOCO POCKO
One bite into the Golden Fry Choco Pocko and that deep-fried hot pocket of chocolate-hazelnut spread explodes all down the front of your shirt. In a similar vein, all it seems to take is a couple bites out of Gov. Christie and he, too, explodes all over you. And yet, both are near impossible to resist.
Odds of Gov. Christie finishing a 6-pack of Choco Pockos: 1/3
ANTHONY SCARAMUCCI & HOT LIPS
The Hot Lips is a breaded chicken breast “smothered with hot sauce, served with blue cheese dressing” and comes on a stick (sounds kind of like a hot wing, but okay). Anthony Scaramucci is the now-former White House communications director who was fired after only ten days at the job. What do they have in common? You’re not entirely sure how to handle them, they are both as fiery as hell, and before you know it they’re both gone, leaving you with nothing but this strange feeling in your stomach.
Odds of Scaramucci making it through a pair of Hot Lips: 5/4
SEN. CORY BOOKER & DEEP FRIED SWEET CORN CORN DOG
A Deep Fried Sweet Corn Corn dog is still a corn dog, much like Sen. Booker is still a politician, no matter how popular he may be at the community events.
Odds of Sen. Booker eating more than four Sweet Corn Corn dogs: 11/8
HILLARY CLINTON & EGG ON A STICK
Stick with me for a moment. An Egg on a Stick might not be your first choice of fair food, and you might find yourself wondering if it’s really going to be worth it in the long run. The fact of the matter is that the Egg on a Stick is a much safer and healthier option for America than the Bologna was ever going to be and I think we all know that by now.
Odds of Clinton eating any more than one Egg on a Stick: 50/1
JUSTIN TRUDEAU & CHOCOLATE COVERED CHUNKY BACON MAPLE NOUGAT ON A STICK
It’s hard to be all things to all people, but damn it if Justin Trudeau and the Chocolate Covered Chunky Bacon Maple Nougat on a Stick aren’t going to give it their best shot. Don’t expect either to fully hit the mark, but they’re still going to give it a go. Not to mention the obvious maple connection.
Odds of Trudeau making one CCCBMN on a Stick last an entire day at the fair: 1/9
EMMANUEL MACRON & ICE CREAM WONDER BAR
It sounds so promising! Ice Cream Wonder Bar! It has you asking what is going to be so wonderful about it? This Wonder Bar will surely be very different from the other ice cream bars we have tried.
Odds of Macron finishing the Ice Cream Wonder Bar before it melts: 1/3
VLADIMIR PUTIN & THE PORK-ALMIGHTY
Both grandiose and obviously harmful, neither Putin nor the Pork-Almighty have any real place interfering in the lives of Americans, but there they are. Despite all the obvious red flags, such as likelihood to cause death, both also have a frighteningly strong following in certain demographics.
Odds of Putin changing his name to Putin-Almighty: 5/4