Political Odds: How Long Will These Despots Rule?

There are a lot of a-holes in this world and some are in the highest positions in the land.

American citizens can be a little xenophobic, but it may comfort you to learn that, on a global scale, President Donald Trump is actually not the biggest dumpster fire in a position of power. All you have to do is look at what’s going on in parts of Africa with men like Robert Mugabe (President of Zimbabwe) and Jacob Zuma (President of South Africa), to know that things could always be worse.

Asia and the Middle East have the own sources of shame, of course, see: Kim Jong-un (North Korea) and Bashar al-Assad (Syria), whose human rights violations and war crimes make Trump’s weird Tweets look like brilliant leadership. Sure Americans might lose their health care, and Boy Scouts might get stupider through osmosis, but nobody is dropping a big bucket of sarin gas on our heads, right?

Which of these malevolent leaders will last and which are, mercifully, heading for the scrap heap? More specifically, could Trump face impeachment? Will his Russian buddy Vladimir Putin get “re-elected” in 2018? What about that crazy Filipino President (Rodrigo Duterte), who shoots first and asks questions later? Will he resign?

Let’s take a look at five of the world’s worst despots (Trump included) and set the odds on when they might finally get the boot.

DESPOT ODDS: HOW LONG WILL THEY RULE?

PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP (USA)

Now you may be wondering why President Cheeto deserves to be on a list with the likes of Kim Jong-Un and Bashar Al-Assad, but you can’t have a contemporary list of unpopular world leaders without #45.

As I write this, Trump has been President for just over seven months, and already he has a laundry list of dumb and unpresidential deeds.

Let’s not forget about the elephant (I named him Igor) in the room: his entire administration is being investigated by the FBI for Russian collusion during the 2016 election. That’s what you might call “treason.” It’s okay though, President Trump will just fire anyone who comes close to finding the truth; just ask former FBI Director James Comey.

No matter if you are a Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, or Klingon, most will agree President Trump has been a complete and utter disaster. Outside of the Russia probe, Trump pulled out of the Paris Climate Change Accord and put a ban on Muslims traveling to the States. He can’t tell the truth and has an unhealthy obsession with Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton; and let’s not forget his nonsensical rants on Twitter at 3 am.

Basically, President Trump is a nutjob.

Okay, maybe he hasn’t been responsible for killing thousands of innocent people (yet) but he does want Congress to repeal Obamacare, which will likely leave millions of Americans with no healthcare. Does that count?

It’s hard to believe “President” Trump will be impeached given that both the House and Senate are GOP-controlled, but nothing would surprise me at this point.

Trump Odds

O/U on how many years Donald Trump will be President: 4.5

Odds Trump resigns: 5/1

Odds Trump is successfully impeached: 11/1

PRESIDENT VLADIMIR PUTIN (RUSSIA)

Shout out to Vlad! Putin has been one of the world’s biggest d***heads, er … dictators for a long, long time.

ThE former KGB agent knows all the tricks in the book and understands the power of propaganda. When his government isn’t facilitating the killing innocent people, it’s busy poking in other country’s affairs with an army of hackers, troll bots, and fake-news sites that are used to disrupt elections and undermine the public’s faith in the democratic process. Let’s also not forget that Putin was elected President of Russia in 1999 and again in 2012 due to lack of competition and alleged ballot stuffing.

Think twice before speaking out against Putin’s atrocities because you will most likely find yourself being thrown out of a window. The fact of the matter is President Putin is an evil human being but the odds that he will be ousted as President anytime soon are low.

Barring a palace coup or some other force majeure, Putin is likely to be with us for a while. Currently, a President can rule for six years and cannot serve more than two terms consecutively. With the upcoming 2018 election, there is nobody who could really give Putin a run for his money so another six years seems likely.

O/U on how many years Putin will be President of Russia: 6.5

Odds Putin runs for re-election in 2018: 1/19

Odds Putin has health problems over the next six years: 19/1

KIM JONG-UN (NORTH KOREA)

Poor little Kim Jong-un, hated by the entire world and constantly living in his father’s shadow. Talk about a Millennial with daddy issues. It’s not easy being the “Dear Leader” of North Korea when everyone in the world hates you.

When Kim Jong-il died, not many expected his third son, Kim Jong-un, to rise to power. But don’t let his tender age and weird Chicago Bulls obsession fool you, he is just as repressive and crazy as his father and his father before him.

When he isn’t testing long-range intercontinental ballistic missiles, with a view to blowing up parts of the US, he’s violating human rights, executing people for no reason and inviting Dennis Rodman to play basketball with him.

Kim Jong-un will be the Supreme Leader of North Korea until he’s no longer among the living. But, with the way things are going, assassination or invasion could precipitate his demise.

Odds Kim Jong-un dies of natural causes as Supreme Leader: 1/4

Odds North Korea is invaded while Kim Jong-un is Supreme Leader: 17/3

Odds China gets Kim Jong-un to step down: 9/1

Odds Kim Jong-un is assassinated: 25/1

Odds Kim Jong-un signs a nuclear peace deal: 50/1

PRESIDENT BASHAR AL-ASSAD (SYRIA)

Big Bad Bashar Al-Assad makes the list as the President of Syria. You know the place, right? Let’s just say they aren’t selling vacation property over there anytime soon.

Syria has been a hell hole of destruction and evil since Assad provoked a civil war when ISIS formed, Russia got their dirty fingers involved, and the US made mistakes in trying to liberate. It’s a cluster &#*% of brutality that falls at the feet of Assad.

Sure, people will say he was groomed to be President and voted in by the people, but that’s not actually the case. Bashar was actually never his daddy’s first choice to become ruler. His brother, Basil, was the favorite for that position, but somehow died in “mysterious circumstances.”

Bashar has been accused of vote tampering and changing the constitution to allow himself to be the leader for 14 years. He has been accused of war crimes and human rights violations, including gassing innocent people.

Assad might be on borrowed time because, even if the country is becoming more stable, it appears Assad may be slowly losing the support of the one world leader who is currently protecting him: President Putin. The Russian President is apparently asking for a king’s ransom to have his puppet removed from power.

O/U years Bashar Al-Assad is President of Syria: 4.5

Odds Bashar Al-Assad is forced to resign: 4/1

Odds Bashar Al-Assad is assassinated: 50/1

PRESIDENT RODRIGO DUTERTE (PHILLIPINES)

Digong, as the people like to call him (not to be confused with Ding Dongs or dugongs), is the 16th President of the Philippines and he gives the likes of Donald Trump a run for his Russian money when it comes to saying and doing stupid things.

Before he was President, Digong was the Mayor of Davao, where he admitted to personally killing a few criminals. Forget prison, this world leader believes that all drug users, drug dealers and anyone connected to drugs deserve to be executed on the spot. He took those controversial extrajudicial beliefs with him when he became President.

The United Nations condemned his vigilante style of justice, which has led to the police using extreme force on … pretty much anyone and everyone. The shoot-first-and-ask-questions-later strategy has created big pockets of police corruption, and has essentially turned them into government hit men, with targets including journalists and human rights activists.

“The Punisher” has been recognized as a runner-up for OCCRP 2016 Person of the Year for doing the most in the world to advance organized criminal activity and corruption.

When he isn’t murdering people, President Duterte enjoys calling the Pope and former US President Barack Obama “Sons of Whores.” And he likes making insane statements like, “Hitler massacred three million Jews. Now three million drug addicts. …I’d be happy to slaughter them.”

The fact of the matter is the people of the Philippines voted him in, and there is a political divide between those who like his no-nonsense attitude towards drugs, and those who feel his views are too extreme. Just last year, he had a 91-percent approval rating. He is 71 years old, though, so his days are numbered.

O/U years Rodrigo Duterte will be President of the Philippines: 5.5

Odds President Duterte resigns: 50/1