With Shakespearean flair, Homer Simpson said it best, “Oh cruel fate, why do you mock me?”
Truer words have never been spoken by a cartoon character and are equally applicable to the sports and movie inudstries, alike, where reaching the pinnacle in some way, shape, or form is often accompanied by a cruel twist of fate that leaves athletes and actors cursed.
In football, it’s the Madden Curse (whoever appears on the front of the game will invariably be injured or have diminished skills to end their career). Then there’s the Sports Illustrated cover curse (whichever winning team appears on the popular magazine’s cover will find their fortunes turn south). And in the movie industry, you have the Oscar Love Curse (which dictates that the winner of the Academy Award for Best Actress/Supporting Actress will watch their personal relationship end in breakup or divorce).
The curse dates back to 1935 when Best Actress winner Claudette Colbert’s marriage to Norman Foster ended shortly after she took home the statue; but its power hasn’t waned in recent times, as Hilary Swank, Reese Witherspoon, Kate Winslet, and Sandra Bullock have all fallen victim.
Looking back at the most recent winners, the question is: who will the Oscar Love Curse claim as its next victim?
Lupita Nyong’o: 3/2
The 2014 Best Supporting Actress winner Lupita Nyong’o (12 Years a Slave) isn’t married, but most recently dated rapper K’naan and, depending on which rag you read, is currently with Jared Leto or Michael Fassbender. Everyone involved is too young and too good looking to stay faithful, especially with the curse driving a sexy, sexy wedge between them!
Patricia Arquette: 2/1
Patricia Arquette, the 2015 Best Supporting Actress winner (Boyhood), is twice divorced (from Nicolas Cage and Thomas Jane). She was last reported dating artist Eric White. We don’t know exactly what will end their relationship, but Arquette married – married – Nic Cage. That’s like buying stock in a fat-zapping laser or eating anything from Outback Steakhouse: you know from the get-go it’s not going to end well, so why do it? We question her relationship acumen; we question it ferociously.
Julianne Moore: 8/1
Last year’s Best Actress winner, Julianne Moore (Still Alice), has been hitched for a dozen years to director Bart Freundlich. They appear happy in front of the camera (which sounds as ridiculous to read as it was to write). But there’s still a chance that, one day, Moore will wake up and realize, “Jeezus christ, I’m married to a guy name Bart Freundlich?” This will be immediately followed by an ultimatum that old Bartholomew either change his name (literally anything would be better, even Freund Bartlich) or pack his bags.
Cate Blanchett: 12/1
Cate Blanchett, who took home the trophy for Best Actress in 2015 (Blue Jasmine), has been married for nearly 18 years to playwright and screenwriter Andrew Upton. The two seemed cozy after appearing on 60 Minutes last year. If any couple on our list is going to defy fate, it’ll be these two. No jokes. No jokes about Galadriel, ever!
(Photo credit: aphrodite-in-nyc [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons. Photo has been cropped.)