Super Bowl Snacks! The Definitive Ranking

In case you haven’t heard, Super Bowl Sunday (Feb. 5) is quickly approaching. While the game itself is the main course, there are so many other tasty appetizers, both figurative and literal.

When your friend hands out that big list of prop bets, are you going to know what you’re doing? If not, here’s a quick guide on all the different ways to bet the Super Bowl. If you don’t care to understand how they work, and only want to win, we’ve also got you covered. Here are the odds for every prop you can imagine. If you already possess all that knowledge and just want to know which team is going to win the game, see here or listen here.

But what about the actual party? Everyone knows a good Super Bowl party needs all the best snacks. Whether you are hosting or watching the game on someone else’s fancy flat screen, you’re likely on the hook for at least one food item, which leads to the age-old dilemma: What should you bring?

Arriving with a mediocre snack will put a Jadeveon Clowney-vs.-Michigan hit on your reputation. On the other hand, if you can put seven on the board with your snack year after year, you’ll quickly become the Joe Montana of Super Bowl parties.

Not everyone can claim they are a chicken wing or salsa connoisseur, and what you don’t know could cost you. We’re here to make sure that doesn’t happen.

We at SportsBettingDime put ourselves through a gruelling day of sampling different brands of chicken wings, tortilla chips, and salsas, with only your benefit in mind. After tasting each, every employee gave that brand a rating from 1-5 (where 5 is the best) based on a few different factors. The results were totaled, and we humbly present to you our official Super Bowl Snack Brand Rankings.

May the scales be kind to us all.

Wings

Final Ranking

Gold – Pilgrim’s (3.42)
Silver – Trader Joe’s (3.37)
Bronze – Tyson (3.25)
4th place – Foster Farms (3.13)
5th place – Great Value (1.77)

The tenderness and spice factor criteria speak for themselves, but you may be wondering about “Cooking Directions.” This graded how well the wing was cooked when following the instructions accurately. Was it overcooked? Undercooked? We also factored the meat-to-bone ratio into the “Tenderness” category.

Here are some quotes straight from the guinea pigs …

“The individual who brought the Pilgrim’s wings is definitely getting invited back next year.” – George Burns

“Pilgram’s were about the size of my uncle’s inflamed bursa sac, but I would have to imagine their contents were tastier.” – Eric Thompson

“Great Value had the spice factor of your cousins mix tape — mild, at best.” – Carlos Moreno

“Is this where you guys are putting your discarded bones or is this the Great Value wing tray, I can’t tell the difference.” – Moe Hardy

Tortilla Chips

Final Ranking

Gold – Mission (3.75)
Silver – Calidad (3.69)
Bronze – Tostitos Scoops (3.38)
4th place – Santita’s (3.33)
5th place – Trader Joe’s (3.23)
6th place – Tostitos Original (3.11)
7th place – Great Value Bite Size (2.89)

There’s nothing worse than cutting your mouth on the edge of a chip. The lower the score in that category, the sharper the chip. To measure durability, we lined up some stiffer dips and gave each chip a run through. When it came to size, you can’t assume that a higher score means a bigger chip; it is certainly possible for chips to be too big. We are looking for the most appropriate size here — a good mouthful.

Here’s what the crew had to say …

“Mission was the perfect mouthful and withstood every dip we put in its way. Not to mention, they must have Salt Bae working the factory line.” – Jackie Hung

“Something about Mission’s brown bag makes me feel like I’m finally doing something with my life.” – Moe Hardy

“Great value chips lived up to their name in that the bags were way heavier than the other brands. But quality over quantity for this guy! Also, the chips themselves were too small, meaning someone’s gross thumb is that much more likely to touch the salsa.” – Owen Peverley

Salsas

Final Ranking

Gold – La Victoria (3.18)
Silver (tie) – Signature Select (2.58)
Silver (tie) – Tostitos Roasted Garlic (2.58)
4th place – Great Value (2.53)
5th place – Trader Joe’s (2.39)
6th place – Newman’s Own (2.18)
7th place – Pace (2.03)
8th place – Mission (1.93)

These grading criteria definitely need some follow-up. For ingredient distribution, we were basically measuring whether there was enough onions and peppers to go around. If it was all tomatoes, the brand likely scored low there. To test the viscosity, we dipped chips vertically (with no scoop-action) and assessed how much salsa stuck to the chip. As for the make-up category, we wanted to be able to taste the ingredients listed on the label.

And here’s what our experts had to say …

“La Victoria wasn’t just thick, but had a perfectly balanced pepper to onion ratio.” – Marge Abernathy

“Where’s the milk, was my first thought after I dipped into La Victoria salsa.” – Antonio “El Guapo” Guzman

“Hey Mission, I wanted salsa, not tomato sauce!” – Jane Johnson

Photo Credit: Dixitkedar (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)], via Wikimedia Commons)