When you choose a life of celebrity, you sign up for a life of being under the microscope, which allows lonely scribes like me to tell you if you’re relationship is going to last.
As that country song goes, “Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places” seems to be the motto of most famous people. When you have that kind of money and notoriety, it’s easy to swerve or find temptation at every corner, which means most relationships within the celebrity vortex are doomed.
So which celeb couple is the odds on favorite to break-up this year? I think it depends on how hot the nanny is.
We did this same exercise last year and now we predict more doom and gloom for famous couples. Below are a list of breakups that could happen this year, and because we like a little yin with our yang, we included some makeups that I hope will bring balance to the force.
Odds to Breakup in 2016:
The Weeknd and Bella Hadid: 3/7
This one is doomed. Don’t get too attached, Mr. The Weeknd. Although you are one talented Canadian, you have some living to do!
Recently reports surfaced that Abel Tesfaye (The Weeknd’s real name) was spotted with a couple of ladies at a party. The three of them went off to a nearby bedroom for a little ménage-à-trois, and why not? He’s The Weeknd. Go and have random sex with multiple people. Bring the rubber gloves and do whatever you want. But don’t expect the beautiful super model Bella Hadid to standby and watch. Shameless, dark times are ahead for this couple.
Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes: 2/3
There is trouble brewing in paradise. Sure the two have a child together, but there have been numerous reports that Mendes and Gosling could be close to separation. First there were rumors that Mendes refused to fly with her child to visit Ryan on set. There was also speculation that Mendes was jealous of Gosling’s continued friendship with his ex Rachel McAdams, and his new friendship with La La Land co-star Emma Stone. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire and I don’t give this four-year relationship a chance to make it through 2016.
Kylie Jenner and Tyga: 9/11
We predicted last year that these two are headed towards Splitsville, and trust me, they remain headed down the highway of broken hearts. First off, eww gross! Tyga is still a pervert for even wanting to date a 17-year-old girl.
Kylie is going to dump his ass at some point because that’s what teenagers do. They get bored. Besides, she has more living to do and more NBA and hip-hop stars to date. She’s a Jenner, and like the Kardashians, they don’t “settle down.” Tyga you’re on borrowed time, bro. Kids today huh?
Gigi Hadid and Zayn Malik: 1/1
Just like her younger sister, Bella, Gigi is not someone who is going to find love in her current beau. First, she was recently dating Cody Simpson and that ended. But immediately afterwards she hooked up with Joe Jonas, and they broke up back in November.
Men are like accessories for Gigi. She latches onto dudes like purses, always on the lookout for something more stylish. Zayn Malik, come on down, you’re the next contestant on Gigi Can’t Get It Right. Zayn might have some musical talents, but his new girlfriend is as permanent as the fake tattoo on his face. I give this a few months at best.
Leonardo DiCaprio and Kelly Rohrbach: 7/3
Another year, another blonde super model for DiCaprio; 2016 has been the year of the Leo with his recent Oscar win for The Revenant and a new girlfriend in tow. However, just like people who have a pension for fast cars, The Growing Pains star likes to collect young, blonde models. And like people who eat a lot of dairy, his tastes have an expiration date. Kelly and Leo will be an item until the blonde-bombshell factory makes him another stunning beauty from a test tube. Besides, Leo is married to the Earth … right?
Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris: 3/1When Taylor Swift finally breaks things off with Calvin “don’t call me a DJ” Harris, she will be able to write another sad song and he’ll be able to crank out another remix. Neither artist has a great track record with relationships, and as they approach the one-year mark, the countdown begins for a messy breakup. But remember, it’s all about the music.
Johnny Depp and Amber Heard: 17/3
Johnny breaking up with his longtime partner, Vanessa Paradis, was shocking enough; nobody believes that his new relationship with Amber Heard will last. There is a 21-year difference between the two and both actors work crazy schedules. How can you remain together if you never see each other? This has “growing apart” written all over it.
Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan: 20/1
Channing called Jenna Dewan “Super Mom” in a Vanity Fair interview and they seem very much in love. But Hollywood is a cruel beast when it comes to careers and marriage. Tatum is one of the most sought-after and sexiest leading men in showbiz, while Jenna’s career has cooled significantly. That kind of disparity can end marriages. Obviously nobody is hoping for sadness and heartbreak for the couple, but trends show the sad truth that different career trajectories can cause friction.
Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani: 22/1
Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani have been spotted everywhere kissing and cuddling. Isn’t rebound love grand? How does a punk-pop princess hook up with a country bumpkin? This pairing doesn’t make sense. Both artists are coming off recent breakups, and we know how that goes. It’s all fine and dandy now, but eventually one of them is going to say, “oh crap, what have I done?”
Although the pair have chemistry hosting The Voice, that doesn’t mean they’re meant for one another. If that were the case, Shelton and Adam Levine would already be married.
David Beckham and Victoria Beckham: 40/1
I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want. So tell me what you want, what you really really want. I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna … divorce. I’d imagine that’s how Victoria is going to finally break the news to her husband of 16 years, David Beckham.
Both Victoria and David are busy with their own businesses and charity commitments. But apparently “Posh Spice” is tired of her husband’s travel schedule and wants him home more often. Something says they will work it out, but does distance really make the heart grow fonder or does it smash it into a million pieces? We’ll soon find out whether Posh can bend her relationship expectations like a true Beckham.
Odds to Makeup in 2016:
Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy: 9/1In what was one of the craziest breakups in the history of Hollywood, Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy called it quits. After decades of being together, frog and pig revealed that they are no longer an item. Apparently Kermit is now seeing someone named Denise who is the head of marketing at ABC, and the pig is focused on her career as host of Up Late with Miss Piggy.
Some say their breakup was nothing but a PR stunt to help promote the new Muppets TV series on ABC. If they need a ratings boost, a reunion could be in the works.
Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez: 49/1
Remember this power couple from the early 2000s? Called “Bennifer” during their glory days, the pair was engaged but called it quits back in 2004. Now that Ben is getting a divorce from another garden-variety, I mean “Garner-variety,” Jennifer, there has been some talk that maybe, just maybe, Ben is kicking the tires on his old flame J-Lo.
Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr: 100/1
They were married back in 2010 and had a boy together named Flynn. Unfortunately, in 2013, their relationship hit the skids. For the sake of their little boy, they remain very close friends with Kerr even buying a house across the street from Bloom in L.A. There have been rumors that the flame isn’t completely out, but the pair have shot it down and stated they are just friends raising a child together.
Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams: 300/1
Can you believe that these two have been broken up for eight years? What was all that, “I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me … everyday” talk? Okay so the Canadian actor is currently with Eva Mendes and they had a daughter together, but he was meant to be with his Notebook co-star, dammit! There is always a glimmer of hope as both McAdams and Gosling are still friends and we predicted above that Mendes and Gosling will not make it through the year.
(Photo Credit: Kayla Johnson – The Weeknd at Bumbershoot 2015, CC BY 2.0, [https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=43419652].)