The Bachelorette is perhaps the strangest phenomenon on TV right now. At its core, it’s just like any other reality TV show that we follow, but hate ourselves for doing so. Yet, this season, the show has expanded its bubble on the pop culture scatter plot and is now crossing into the world of sports. What has suddenly caused outlets like ESPN to get involved with covering this season’s search for love? (Besides the obvious, if mostly nonsensical, cross-promotion that comes from Walt Disney owning both ESPN and ABC.)
It’s because this year’s crop of eligible white guys who all look the same includes the most famous quarterback with the last name Rodgers: Jordan Rodgers.
Perhaps that was a stretch. But fans of Florida NFL teams might recall the name. Actually, that’s probably a stretch, too. The fact is, Jordan’s career as a practice squad QB isn’t what’s garnering national attention. What’s made him stand out among all these other stock-photo baristas is the fact that he shares a bloodline with Aaron Rodgers (no introduction needed).
But apparently, blood is not thicker than water for these boys, as this week’s episode shockingly revealed. A few years ago, Aaron and Jordan had a “falling out” and, like a poorly settled divorce, Aaron got to keep living the ultimate life as an NFL superstar, and Jordan got to keep the Rodgers clan.
Since the brothers don’t like talking about it, the reporting public has used the wonder that is Instagram to investigate the origins of this spat (unintentionally delivering conclusive evidence that we are, in fact, the worst generation ever). While no one knows quite when or how the fight started, speculation has run wild.
Who really cares about how this began, though? There are bigger things at play! A humble American family is being torn apart. A man’s search for true love is being dogged by questions about his more successful brother. And that more successful brother’s play on the field is clearly suffering as a result of his strained relationship with his family!
That last statement is almost certainly not true, but as a Bears fan, I’m kind of hoping that the theory catches on and becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I mean, Aaron did have a career-low passer rating last season; but we’re going to chalk that up to losing his top receiver. (Side note: Rodgers’ worst passer rating – a 92.7 mark – is still better than Jay Cutler’s career-best passer rating, hence my envy.)
Regardless of my resentment towards the Rodgers clan, I do think it’s important not to dwell on the past, but rather look towards the future. Can the brothers ever put aside their differences and become a whole family again? Can Jordan and JoJo find love? Can the Green Bay Packers stop dominating the NFC North?
Rodgers Family Odds:
Odds Jordan Rodgers wins The Bachelorette: 1/12
Silly old Luke may have just spoiled TV’s worst-kept secret. Even if he didn’t, this would still be a lock, because I can’t remember the other contestants’ names.
Over/under on how many Packer games the Rodgers family attends next season: 0.5
Odds Aaron Rodgers thanks his family during his next (inevitable) MVP speech: 7/1
Odds Jordan Rodgers makes a return to the NFL: 500/1
Odds Jordan Rodgers returns to back up Aaron: 5,000/1
If Aaron Rodgers actually does play terribly next season, odds of what the cause will be:
- Injuries (to him or his receivers): 1/20
- Driven to insanity by Davante Adams’ incompetence: 25/1
- The Packers suddenly become a run-heavy team: 115/1
- NFL defenses suddenly learn how to stop elite passing: 500/1
- He’s sad about his brother fight: 1,250/1
Odds that Luke Rodgers ever becomes the most popular Rodgers: 20,000/1
(Photo Credit: Disney | ABC Television Group (Flickr)[https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/])