Sports Fool of the Year Bracket: Excrete 16

Have you ever said something so dumb that your next thought was: “I’m glad there wasn’t a camera in my face”? Well, not everyone is so “lucky.” In particular, professional athletes, broadcasters, and just about everyone else involved in the sports world, are always under the microscope and their mishaps, or just plain stupidity, are rarely pardoned.

My next question to you: have you ever heard one of these individuals say something superbly idiotic and thought, “that might be the stupidest thing anyone’s ever said”? Well now, in this month of April foolishness, you have the chance to make that determination once and for all with our “Sports Fool of the Year” bracket!

Our tournament will definitively decide which of the following 32 16 buffoons rules the great state of Nincompoopia for 2016. Since it is our first time doing this, we have cheated a little by digging up events prior to 2016. You’ll be happy we did, though. There are some gems in there.

So prepare yourself for the most brainless, offensive, and just plain nonsensical quotes from the sporting world and help us crown our first-ever Fool of the Year!

Below is the full bracket and a run-down of all the second-round matchups for our Excrete 16. I’ll give you my two-cents on each one, but don’t let my analysis influence your votes too much. It’s up to you, the reader, to determine the true king of calumny. Voting for the Excrete 16 will run until Sunday, April 30.

Don’t forget to add your two cents in the old comment section or on Facebook!

(If you missed the first round, or just want to relive the epic battle between Charles Barkley and Amar’e Stoudemire, you can go back and see it here.)

Click the bracket to expand.

West Region

no. 1 LaVar Ball vs. no. 9 Steve Clevenger

As if claiming he could beat Michael Jordan in a game of one-on-one wasn’t dumb enough, Ball has now proclaimed his Big Baller Brand will rival Nike.

After narrowly escaping the first-round, Steve Clevenger is going to have to take to Twitter and share more of his racist thoughts to slay this giant. It would help if the catcher was actually still in the majors.

no. 4 Kim Mulkey  vs. no. 5 Mark Emmert

Earlier this year, Mulkey proved she fits in very well with the Baylor culture.

“College sports are not a business.” – Mark Emmert. That message was brought to you by Pepsi!

Can we have Mulkey knock Emmert in the face?

no. 3 Amar’e Stoudemire vs. no. 6 Roger Goodell

Any time an anti-gay comment is made and then played off as a joke, Amar’e Stoudemire is sure to be near.

Sure, reducing the number of commercials during an NFL game will help television ratings. But I can think of something (or someone) else the league could rid itself of to help viewership.

no. 2 Colin Cowherd vs. no. 10 Stephen A. Smith

These two men have made a lot of money from being loud and unbelievably obnoxious. (I suppose we are to blame.) Their irritating rants have gone beyond just sports, though.

Cowherd has slandered Dominicans, and blamed Sean Taylor for “getting himself killed;” while Stephen A. has suggested female victims provoke domestic violence.

Please don’t ever make me listen to both of them at the same time. This isn’t like math; multiplying two negatives doesn’t make a positive.

East Region

no. 1 Curt Schilling vs. no. 9 Sepp Blatter

Are you a right-wing extremist who also happens to be a racist, misogynist, and a pervert? If so, you’ll probably be voting Schilling for President in 2020. If not, you’re likely offended by almost everything that escapes Schilling’s mouth.

Some may say Blatter is a member of the “old-boys’ club.” Other adjectives, like homophobic and sexist, work just as well, though. At least his FIFA Presidency went swimmingly …

These are two very similar idiots who like to attack the same groups of people (95-percent of the population). However, only one is keeping his foolishness in the spotlight.

no. 12 LeBron James vs. no. 13 Skip Bayless

LeBron may never be as good as Jordan, but he sure takes whining to a whole new level.

Skip is the human embodiment of a train-wreck. Tuning into his show is so sad, but you just can’t look away. Mitchell Trubisky should be thrilled with Bayless’ recent comments.

Skip has taken every opportunity possible to slam LBJ throughout his career; if only we could actually get these two in the same room.

no. 3 Emily Austen vs. no. 6 Kyrie Irving

Getting yourself fired from Fox Sports is no small feat. Austen showed us all what she is truly capable of, though, when she appeared on an episode of Barstool Sports.

A “Kyrie”: an individual who opposes the most simple facts known to humankind.

no. 2 Riley Cooper vs. no. 10 Johnny Manziel

What a perfect matchup: two former NFLers who enjoyed short-lived careers before off-field incidents abruptly left them looking for work. One man will go to any length for a party, while the other is a racist.